Chappy the Bunny Boxer Shorts
by blackerthanbleach
Summary: Last night, Renji Abarai was drunk. Very drunk. And the next morning at work, he does not expect his captain to have a video of the evidence at his very fingertips. Then again, he also doesn't expect his captain to yank open his shihakusho and sneak a peek at his Chappy the Bunny boxer shorts..


_Must not fall asleep, must not fall asleep. _Renji Abarai rested his head in his hand miserably. It was only ten in the morning but he felt like he'd been working for years. It was all Rangiku's fault! She'd dragged him out to go drinking last night, and like always, he'd gotten carried away and ended up singing outdated pop songs on top of the bar half naked with Shuhei. He didn't mean too! And he was sure Rangiku was just over exaggerating. There was no way a man who could hold his liquor like him would end up drunkenly staggering about, or throwing up in front of everyone. Really, he had more class than that.

Renji sighed for the fifteenth time and rubbed his bleary eyes. He had a terrible hangover and trying to read this tiny print on the paper was killing him.

"Is there a problem, Renji?"

_Shit. _Renji gulped, then looked up, meeting his captain's slate colored eyes. "N-no, taichou. Not at all."

"Then why have you been sighing over and over nonstop?" Byakuya Kuchiki looked pissed off. His eyes glinted dangerously as he awaited his lieutenant's answer, his facial expression more stern than usual.

"I guess I'm just… tired?" it came out sounding more like a question than an answer, and Renji cringed inwardly.

"Is that so? And why would you be tired?" the dark haired captain asked, his face a picture of blank apathy.

"I… stayed up late doing paperwork! Yeah! That's it, paperwork!" Renji nodded enthusiastically.

"So does this look familiar?" Byakuya held a sleek black rectangular device with a screen and a keypad in two fingers, dangling it above the tabletop.

"You have a cellphone, taichou!" Renji gasped. "Can I touch it!"

Byakuya rolled his eyes. "Not the cellphone, Abarai. _This." _He touched the screen once, and it lit up, displaying a shaky video.

"WITH A TASTE OF YOUR LIPS I'M ON A RIIIDEEE-hic- YUHR TOXIC AN I'M SLIPPEN UNDAH! SHUU, SING DA NEXT PART FUR MEH!" a muscular man with long red hair staggered drunkenly on a granite bar top, clad in only a pair of Chappy the bunny boxers.

His friend, shorter and leaner with spiky black hair slung a flailing arm around the redhead's shoulders as he strutted around on the bar shirtless. "WITH A TASTE OF A POISON PARADIIIISEEE, I'M ADDICTED TA YUH, DUNT YA KNOW DAT YUHR TOXIC!" he sung, painfully off key.

The redheaded man began tossing his wild mane of hair back and forth while pelvic thrusting on the bar. "DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN! AN I LOVE WHUT YA DO, DUNT YA KNOW DAT YER TOXIC!"

The two friends began holding hands and waltzing with each other on the bar, knocking over countless drinks as the song changed. "OH DIS IS MAH FAVORITE!" the dark haired man said, gesturing to the DJ in the far corner.

The redhead jumped up and down excitedly, effectively stepping on the hand of an agitated white haired boy. "OH I KNOW DA LYRICS!" he then proceeded to swing his hips in a slow circle as he sang in a whiny, high pitched voice. "OUR SONG IS DA SLAMMIN' SCREEN DOOR! SNEAKING OUT LATE-hic-TAPPING ON YA WINDOOWWW!"

His dark haired friend charged down the bar and jumped off onto a chair, twirling around like a ballerina. "WHEN YA ON DA PHONE AN' YA TALK REEEALLL SLOOOOWW, CUZ ITS LATE-hic-AND-hic-YO MAMA DUN KNOW!"

The red haired man jumped off the bar as well, somersaulting into the lap of a fat bald man who scooted backwards in shock. "OUR SONG IS DA WAY YA LAUGH! DA FIRST DATE MAN I DI-INT KISS IM AN-hic-I SHUD HAVE!"

Renji stared at the video before him, his face a mixture of confusion and disgust as the two men suddenly fell from their spots and began throwing up on the floor while laughing drunkenly.

"Captain… what… the fuck?" he exclaimed, leaning backward in his chair. "What the hell is that? Drunk gay people dancing?"

Byakuya dropped the phone onto the table, narrowing his eyes. "What did you just say, Renji?" he hissed.

"Uh- nothing captain, but what the hell is that shit!" he couldn't prevent himself from cussing. What kind of idiots would do that kind of crap?

"Do you not know what it is?" Byakuya asked with disdain.

"No, why would I?" Renji asked, honestly confused.

"Lieutenant Abarai, please tell me you are making some kind of joke."

"Captain, if you take pleasure in watching drunken men pelvic thrust half naked on bars, I won't hold it against you, I mean, homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of-"

"Lieutenant Abarai!"

"Y-yeah?"

"It's you and Shuhei! From last night!"

Renji's mouth dropped, along with his pen and paperwork. His eyes widened dramatically as he began to sputter incoherently. "B-but I- I wasn't that drunk! That can't be me! It's not, it's not! And Shuhei wasn't like that either! Rangiku- she was lying!"

Byakuya flash stepped over to Renji's desk, raising an eyebrow in skepticism. "Really now, that wasn't you?" he asked coolly.

Renji shook his head furiously in protest.

Byakuya suddenly reached down with deft hands and yanked Renji's shihakusho open quickly.

Renji let out an unmanly squeal, covering his chest with his hands. "H-hey!" he cried, his face turning darker than his hair.

Byakuya simply pointed down at the man's Chappy the bunny boxers.

"It was you." He said simply, turning around and walking back to his desk. "Next time, make sure your drinking habits do not affect your work in the office."

There was a thump as Renji's unconscious body fell to the floor.

Byakuya looked around the room surreptitiously, then sat down in his chair and let a small grin break out on his face. Life was good.


End file.
